Never said being a policeman was easy. This weeks local reports include the following sure-to-be-on “Cops” items:

• A dead squirrel was found in the roadway near the intersection of Knaus Road and Timberline Drive.
• A resident received a suspicious piece of mail.
• A McVey/South Shore area resident says someone cut a coupon out of the coupons she received in the mail.
• A resident of the Springbrook Park neighborhood called police to report that
  her ex-husband was at her house, intoxicated, and planning to
  eat a live lobster as part of some kind of satanic ritual.
  Police were unable to contact the woman, but met with the ex-husband
  in question.
  No word on the lobster.