Last week was a lot of eggings and TP’ings — it must have
been spring break.
This week is full of real crime :

• A resident of an apartment complex reported the disappearance
  of her cat.
  It’s a black, gold and white female with a red collar,
  and the owner is offering a $1000 reward.
• My therapist is harassing me, says a local woman.
• That big screen TV is not
  stolen from an apartment, it was repossessed.
• Same goes for the dog stolen –
  it escaped and was picked up my animal control.
• An elderly man instructed his off-leash dog to
  “kill her, kill her” while gesturing towards the
  mother of a man wo decided he’d better call police.
• A sick racoon found lying against a fence at [...]
  was sent to live on a big happy farm out in the country
  with lots of other raccoons,
  if you know what I mean.
  [As
  said
  before
  , this is exactly how it appears
  in the newspaper. --MB]
• Three men fishing under a no trespassing sign
  were advised to dip their lines elsewhere.
• A man called police to say a telemarketer is
  harassing him.
  [We all should be doing this. --MB]