I haven’t entered these in a while, but the
Police Blotter
writer at our local
community newspaper
has been getting creative
(but then

I’m not the only one who’s noticed

)
:

• 1/10 8:00am
  Kids threw a snowball on Country Club Road.
  This was a remarkable feat since it hadn’t yet snowed this year.
  In fact it hadn’t snowed since Januaary 2004.
  The culprits probably froze the snowball for a year
  to tepid to try throwing it before reaching puberty.
  Sources close to the duo described them as “late bloomers”.
  They reportedly capped the day with a few laughs
  and a milkshake.
• 1/10 12:41pm
  A disgruntled employee who harassed his boss at home was
  contacted by police and told not to call the man’s
  house again.
  Next time, they said, call his business line.
• 1/10 6:47pm
  A suspicious solicitor gave himself away by
  swearing like a gutter punk when asked for ID.
• 1/13 10:16am
  Teenagers living in a house were reported to police,
  apparently be being teenagers.
  Lots of then were in and out of the place at all
  hours of the day and night, probably up to no good.
• 1/13 11:34am
  A woman was yelling at cars and pedestrians on A Avenue.
  She was advised to “keep her thoughts to herself”.
• 1/11 7:55pm
  Demonstrations in the 5800 block were reported to police.
  Free speech is generally OK but you really have to keep
  your voice down.
• 1/14 11:29am
  A tree in Pilkington Park was vandalized, it’s branches stripped.
  Anonymous sources said the vandal thought better of
  carving “I am an incredible loser” in the tree’s trunk,
  presuming the artwork spoke for itself.
• 1/15 8:50am to 1/16 2:01am
  Exactly 40
  weather-related
  mishaps
  were reported during this period.
  Six involved marooned Tri-Met buses.
  The rest involved local people trying to drive on the ice.
  Highlights include sereral off-road adventures;
  two call reporting car parts (not cars, just parts)
  in the road;
  and one front-lawn beef over a damaged fence.

To reiterate, this is exactly as it appeared in the paper.